ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
