New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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