My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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