Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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