At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
