I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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