My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
