so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize