Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
