I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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