the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
