shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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