I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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