I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
