Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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