I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
