An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
