i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
