How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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