After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
a search helicopter?!
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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