Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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