Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
