apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
