counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
