I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
