i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
