Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
