I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
