It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
