my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
