I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
