Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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