just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
