Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
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Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
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Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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