Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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