apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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