I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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