Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
