i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
