how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
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Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
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Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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