its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
