Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
