I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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