so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
