Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
