you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
