remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
