How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
