i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
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Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
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Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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