never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
