We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
