now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Your dad touched me again.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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