It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
