She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
