i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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