my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
