dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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