Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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