well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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