you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
