i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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