He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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