we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
