Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
